did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
