So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
