we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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