and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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