we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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