so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
