so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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