hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
