hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Randomize
