So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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