I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
