How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
