if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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