We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
