i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
