you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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