Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
