i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize