easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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