we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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