Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
