a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
