I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
