So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
