i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
