Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
