in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
