Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
