walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
