it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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