he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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