Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
