It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
