we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
