Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
