she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
