don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Randomize
