Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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