hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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