you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
