3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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