This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
