He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
