I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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