I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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