FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
