are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
