Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
