It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
