Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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