if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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