I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
