Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
