i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Panties = found
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