Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
