At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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