i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
