I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
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hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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