I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
