he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
